Thursday, October 9, 2014

Computer Illiterate and My Excuse

I can really be slow sometimes. I just found a whole bunch of comments that were hidden away in the depths of cyberspace. How come they are tucked away there and they did not make it on to the blog? Seriously, I didn't mean to ignore you. I just did not know you had written. And here I thought hardly anyone spoke to me, sniffle, sniffle. You probably think I'm a snooty old broad but really I'm just terribly computer illiterate. I work my way around the computer like I work my way around the store. I walk in, ask a clerk where is the such and such  if I don't know where something is and go straight to it. You won't see me wondering up and down the isles gazing at all the sundries. Nope, that is no pleasure trip for me.

It's that mean ole Autism thing. You seen lovely stimulation and I see a herd of buffalo thundering my way about to run me over. When you walk down the isle your mind focuses on a few things, mine sees it all. My mind is trying to process the distance between the isle, how high the shelves are and how far apart. I see all the colors and how they are in relation to each other. I see all the items on the shelves, their shapes, sizes, textures etc. And my mind photographs them. I can look away and still see the picture of the items on the shelf. When I turn, of course my eyes are wide open and they are taking more pictures and more, and more, Before long I'm buried in pictures with tons of information needing filed away in my brain. Believe it or not I can right this minute still see some of the pictures in my mind of the shelves of items in Walmart where we visited last weekend. Not exciting shelves, the cleaning isle, the notebook isle, etc. Just the very few places I went because you know I did not wonder around.

When you watch a movie, you are involved emotionally and influenced by the scenery. I'm noticing the scenery in detail, the costumes in detail, the actors, how they play off each other, how the difference in their characters complements each other, how well the story is developed, etc. etc. etc. Actually I'm getting a whole lot more out of the picture than the average person. Even the fight scenes fascinate me. Not in the gruesome level but in the how did they fake that and a wow that was cooly orchestrated kind of way. If it is just blood and guts I'm not interested because there is no depth as the director is playing purely on the shock factor. It is why I love the movie, The Huntsman. My son-law can't figure out why I like it. He does not see what I see. I see excellent story development that artistically took a fairy tail and wove it in another direction, though not too far off. I saw excellent acting and during certain scenes marveled at how well parts were played. The costumes were phenomenal and enhanced the over all feeling of the movie. The details of them incredible. I saw the choice of scenery and how they used lighting to provoke an effect. My husband and I have had long talks about those details. Yet there are very few movies I will see in a theater because it is just too much stimulation. Too big a screen, too much, noise, too many people. The movie is enough stimulation on our small screen tv. in our quiet home.

That is why I hate disorder, TOO MUCH STIMULATION!! Which is the state my home is in right now. That is why I'm going nuts. I need to put my garden to bed, finish canning, get the hay arranged and fenced off from the deer. etc. etc. etc. It is not because I'm a clean freak. You would not say that if you saw how bad my house looks right now. It is because order means LESS mental processing. Autistic people are not great multi-taskers.

It is one of the reasons why we moved. I was so.... over stimulated every day living in a small town. I love living where we live. There is the creek, a few insects noises and a few bird noises. Cars don't often pass by on the road down below and the neighbors are really quiet. Sometimes a dog barks - but not much. On rare occasion we hear a lawn mower but half the neighbors don't even have lawns. The area between neighbors is on average five acres but there are a lot of empty five acre lots with nothing on them. We live at the end of a short lane. On two sides of us is ranch land. Not much noise there. Beyond that is state land and the mountain.

So when I think you get the idea. When I hop on to the computer, I function as well as I do in a store. I go straight to where I'm headed and don't wonder down the isles. I miss out on things that way I know but I'm not curled up in the corner of the closet rocking. It is why new things are so difficult for me. Have you ever gone to the gas station and fiddled with a new pump for a few minutes and then before you got gas went home or to another station? I have over and over again. Oh I'd go back to the new pump. I don't totally avoid new things but I'd have visualized the thing and figured it out before returning. Silly maybe to you but new things are extremely overwhelming. Not in a get out of my comfort zone kind of thing because I'm rarely in that zone but in a too much information not clearly laid out kind of way, especially when you understand that I'm also trying to process all the noise, and movement at the gas station at the same time. The pump wouldn't be that big a deal all on its own.

Funny how our different brains process information. The sign directing you to the fort down the road from us. The fort the Indians got way back in the 1800's is totally confusing to me. To my husband it is as clear as day. But to me the angle it sits and the spot it sits in directs you off onto a different paved road. The sign is right before that road and angled toward it. In fact you have to cross the bridge and travel a ways and then turn left onto a dirt road that has a number of other totally unrelated signs listed there where you turn. Kirk's brain does not process the angle, the location etc.

Kirk's and my brains don't think much a like at all. Not think much a like as in how we process information, not as in what conclusions we come to like opinions on subjects. It is why we complement each other. Where he is weak, I'm not and vise versa. Like last night, he was wondering why when the barn door was open and there was grain inside in a dish waiting, why did the goats follow me in the barn, eat a little grain, and when I went back out, they left the grain and followed me. The chickens do the same thing. I told him, I'm mom. Stick with mom and she will take care of you, silly. And of course I'm mom. It has been my nickname and my role. In fact I signed a thank you note this week, Love Mom, to two grown men not related to me, one of the gentlemen being my age. They started affectionately calling me Mom when they stayed with us in September. Nothing new as my older brother's friends in high school called me mom. It didn't matter if they were male or female. It doesn't stop there for my oldest daughter has friends that call me mom. They are grown and married.

I may not be that hot thing from down the street that the guys whistle at but I don't mind. Mom is something far more endearing.  

Maybe I've skirted around the subject the long way but the point is it isn't that I can't figure out the computer. It is that the computer just has too many places to wonder around in over stimulating me. So I treat it like I do a trip to the store. I know what I want and I go straight to it or I ask the clerk, which just happens to be our oldest daughter, and she directs me to exactly where I need to go. So excuse me for over looking you. I really did not mean to. My problem is that now that I have found you, I can't figure out how to comment back. Especially now that you've disappeared off the place I found you when I clicked the publish button. Maybe I need to go ask the clerk? But if we don't get it figured out or it is too complex to comment back. Please know that I wasn't ignoring you on purpose. I really do appreciate it when you write to me.

And maybe while I ask the clerk how to contact you maybe she can figure out why the pictures I download off the camera are now in a jumbled heap. I can't figure out how to reset it back to the way it was. Was that one of those side isle trips I took and should not have? It is dangerous territory when you walk off the beaten path.

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