"Grandma, where are you now? When will you be home?", are the repeated words I heard, via cell phone, on my journey home Sunday as our three little grand daughters called to check up on my progress. It wasn't until 9 oclock that I arrived, an hour past bedtime, but they refused to go to sleep until I arrived, after all, they hadn't seen me in. "ever so long" - four days.
Got to love these little munchkins that sometimes creep into our bed just to feel the comfort of being near us. And the words, " Papa, you come home now, I need to see you." said over the phone during break time at work yesterday, leaves no doubt a certain three year old feels Papa plays a big role in her life. Yes, we are needed.
But I can't help but think as these sweet words run through my head, clone me quick, there isn't enough of me to go around.
Sandwiched in between two generations, both challenged to the brink, I feel just how inadaquate one of me is.
Our youngest grand daughter came home yesterday weighing 5 pounds 9 ounces, just a tiny little bundle that started out at 4 pounds 11 ounces, so she has grown quite a bit in three weeks. She is already grandma's girl for when I start to speak, she starts to grin and it gets bigger and bigger, and bigger until it spreads across her face. Then two little blue eyes peer up at me. She knows who I am, even though we've barely met here on earth, for I have no doubt we knew each other in heaven before this life.
The days ahead will be challenging as our daughter with eyes half open, tries to take care of the older four children and feed the youngest every two hours day and night. Then makes frequent trips to the doctor forty miles away while they work out the health issues with our newest grand daughter.
As many of you have had preemies before, you know how delicate they are and she too will have to avoid the public whether it be going outside her home or anyone coming in for 2 1/2 months. With four older siblings, this means grandparents are going to have to pitch in big time for trips to the park, church, library, and other activities.
On the flip side of the coin, my parents are also in great need right now. My mother has Dementia and my step-father just had surgery to help restore circulation to his foot, having waited too long, he might loose some toes.
They refuse to come over the mountain and stay with me, so a 9 hour trip is in order to run back and forth to help organize care and do things for them. Wish they would allow me to cupple them in with the care of the grandchildren but alas, no, they've always preferred their distance.
I figure the Lord wouldn't have timed these events together if he didn't have a purpose. Both situations will last for an extended time, both need help. This changes my world. There naturally will be greater demands on my time in the near future with the garden, livestock and house repairs. I've chosen to take the first round with my parents for the next few weeks and my siblings, which live a much greater distance away, have promised to come fill in for a time afterwards. I pray for stamina to keep up with the demands.
So even though I'm feeling torn between two demesnes, the newly arrived and the threatening to be departed, I know the Lord's timing of these event was for a reason.
I'm using the word demensnes to symbolizes that it is our daughter and her husband's, and my parent's decisions that have placed them in their situations and hence, ownership of choices means responsibility for the concequenses that come because of them.
For each there is need of growth and change. The one to be softened to move from a comfortable, well worn path, to another road they wish not to travel. For the other, strength and foretitude that only trials can bring. The Lord knows if I was capable, I'd probably mess up his plan with my empathy. Neither would learn the lessons he has planned, for I'd cushion the road making change not seem as necessary. I have come to realize that in his wisdom, both events have arrived at once.
So I will try and be a desciple in the road ahead, try to do as the Lord would have me do, not as I would have me do. I need to learn that I can't just step in and fix things. It isn't my place to fix, to take charge. My stewardship is as assitant, not Lord of the Manor. May I gain understanding of my role and if it comes quickly -I sure won't complain Lord.