Saturday, June 9, 2012

Disquieting Days

{Yesterday we had our youngest grand daughter while her momma made the eighty mile trip for a gallbladder test. Luckily, she takes a bottle of breast milk as well as she nurses. Poor tyke had a bad day though with her reflux. The photo is of her checking out her great grandma, my mom.}

After such a long day of not feeling well with a sinus infection and pulled muscle in my back while struggling to take care of my parents and grandchild, I needed a moments reprieve.  I sat outside in the dark with my laptop listening to the Night Hawks call while typing. This is what I wrote. The Night Hawks have declared its  June. Normally, this mating dance would be at the end of June but with the Canadian geese arriving early everything seems a bit ahead of schedule. Wonder if that will include the coming winter? 

This mating dance happens most typically around sunset. in the twilight hours. The males will gain considerable altitude, then perform a power dive tucking their wings tight against their sides. Then after plummeting quite a distance they pull up from the dive by spreading wide their wings, this produces a distinct buzzing sound that is called "booming".  Somehow this ritual is especially soothing right now. Maybe because though my world is turned upside down,, this one thing remains constant reassuring me that their is a ebb and flow that contiues on around me.

 I've grown rather fond of these interesting birds over the years.They are just a bit different as they perch the same way the fence runs, not crosswise like other birds.  They nest on the ground and their flight pattern is erratic to watch as they dip and dive for insects, the staple of their diet. I kind of like different. Of course that probably doesn't surprise many of you.   

I stepped in on the last act for the evening as it is now quite dark, the moon not having made an appearance.  It is as if a lullaby is being sung as the darkness snuggles around me, soothing my tattered soul as the crickets chime in occasionally and the frogs at some unknown watering hole are making their voices heard.

Some things have become easier. Mom has begun to remember the morning and nighttime routine I have established for her. I lay out her grooming supplies and I rarely have to remind her that the new pink toothbrush with the tape around the handle that extends out   like a flag, is hers. She had a tendency to grab her husband's if it was handy and use it. A habit I figured he'd appreciate if we broke.

Then with that accomplished, I help her change for bed as she becomes confused about how to undo her shoes and slip her pajamas on as she grows weary from a long day. Tucked into bed, she sighs with pleasure reminding me once more how wonderful her new pillow is. The one she hasn't quit talking about since she discovered it on our grand daughter's bed. 

Nights are now peaceful as she sleeps through the night, no longer waking up imaging thieves  slipping in to steal her clothes and replace them with ones that are too big. This thief has never been caught but she has pegged the identity definitely old and female for who else would want her clothes she reasons. Most interesting of all, she said they must like her because they choice to steal her clothes and not her husbands because of course they didn't like him. You can't help but smile for trying to convince my mother that this is just a delusion of her mind is impossible. Her tender heart bought the story her husband told her about how this woman needed her clothes more than she did.  Mom could buy new ones.

 Sure enough, when my sister, from Utah took her shopping for shoes and clothes, the thief no longer came stalking in the middle of the night. With my step-dad's surgeries and declining health, their diet has gone down hill. They have been too far away to help and not willing to move until now.   

He needs help and Mom definitely needs care. Her balance has been stolen by Dementia and her eye sight by Graves disease. These limitations do not fully compute as though she can not walk in a straight line but weaves back and forth in her unsteadiness, she still volunteers to help me tote hay bales and buckets for the livestock. She wants to haul around my two month old grand daughter, her great grand daughter, making safety a full time job. Dementia is not a part of growing old as most will luckily never experience this disease that robs the mind as well as the body of its functions and in that I hope I'm blessed.

The care that is constantly required to keep my step-dad off his feet and on the road to recovery and my mom with a sense of being needed is draining to say the least. 

My wise husband before he headed to Atlanta to a knife show for the weekend led me out into the backyard as our day was winding down as he had done several nights before. This night he said, "You've got to see the moon." It didn't look so different to me but then he handed me a pair of binoculars. I'd forgotten how much that changed the looks of the surface from what you could see with the naked eye. These few minutes stolen for myself reset the balance buoying me up for another day and I thank him for his gift.

As challenging as things are right now, I feel the Lord's hand in each day with blessings flowing to ease my tasks. I want to thank you for your prayers, he has heard them, and they have been felt. 

Hopefully next week as our routines become more established, a little of my world will return and I'll have something more to blog about.  If nothing else, it is linear appraisal week and I can't hardly wait to see what is said about my goats. I've so.... much to learn.    

And maybe if the Lord is willing, Mom and I will get to make rose petal jelly. The neighbors have offered up their blossoms. Though she has never made it before, it might be a trip down memory lane as she use to make Buffalo berry, chokecherry, raspberry, or strawberry jam each year. Have a wonderful Day and I hope to talk with you soon.

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