Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Pity Party

Boo Hoo! Well, it isn't that bad but I've been having a pity party the last couple days. The only one who has arrived is me but that hasn't stoppped me from eating lots of candy and feeling sorry for myself. I think it is a mourning for the empty nest that we had for such a short time and for the more relaxed lifestyle we were enjoying. Okay, maybe relaxed wasn't the right word but being able to do projects that I chose not the have toos of 12 to 14 loads of laundry versus 4 loads a week and cleaning house for 6 not 2. Not to mention fixing food and realizing I don't know how to cook for little ones anymore, our tastes running a little too fancy and natural. Besides, trying to cook one armed because the other is holding the 15 month old.

Think the problem is that I'm just depressed over not getting my way? Probably, but I think we all are saddened when our dreams are changed and not by us.

Don't get me wrong I adore my granddaughters and my arms feel empty when they aren't here. I'm just 50 years old, just starting to get my health back and I'm tired. But I'd better kick this old butt into gear because this is the deck of cards I've been handed and I have to play my hand to win. There just isn't any other way especially when I look into those cute blue eyes of my daughter's and granddaughter's. I think it is the having to be extremely fexible that has me lost. Today for instance, I was going to have the oldest grand daughter and the youngest while the middle one went with her father. Then it was changed to my having just the youngest and at noon it was changed again to they were all going. Then I thought whoo hoo, I can mow the lawn. Then I discovered the lawn mower wasn't working. The last thing I wanted to do was clean the house when the wind wasn't howling and it isn't snowing.

Then I began to wonder, do I fix supper for them or not because I don't know when they are coming home. It's bad enough that my health dictates what I get done according to how well I feel that day but this has me wanting to curl up in a ball and watch movies. So I think I'm going to go move some railroad ties instead to the north end of the garden and then go sew again. That was what I did for my pity party yesterday, the sewin part I mean. I spit in the eye of the "Need to be dones." Those projects I should have been working on and just worked on a twin quilt I started 2 months ago for our grandson that will turn 2 years old. The grandson I don't have yet but want someday. One of my dreams yet to come true.

Not that grandsons are any more wonderful than granddaughters but the fireman fabric I fell in love with last year at the store and brought home is more suited for boys. So in defiance of my world being turned upside down, I'm slapping it in the face and doing what I want to do. For a little while at least and Kirk said he was doing the same. He pulled his air compresser out into the garage piped the hose in downstairs and has set up an engraving bench. He has wanted to learn to engrave for years. You could call it cheap therapy if you'd like but we're going to hole up in the basement after the kids go to bed and do our thing.

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